Sunday, November 20, 2005

Blinded, dazed & foolish..

It's been awhile. What had been happening these past 4 weeks?
I was dazed. Yeah, not knowing what I'm living everyday for... I hardly get any work done, and yet I've been as busy as ever. It's not my work!

At times, it really pays to learn and see who we can really trust. The friend that stood by our side, always lending a helping hand, ever so concerned, may just turn out to be the wolf in disguise. Had I thought too much then? Or been too sensitive to man's changing nature. What started out as innocent getogethers now seem to be like a usurping of confidence, planting influence...

I do not play such games, in part because I do not like it, and because I am not capable of it. It is not me to wish to exert influence on others. After all, I'm doing my job, and so are they. Wouldn't it be good if they're focussed on that and show a sincerity of loyalty to what they're doing? I fear the worst. That I'll lose good people again. That they'll get influenced to take drastic actions again.

The dirty weasel!

I've had too much to drink of late. Almost every week. It's getting from bad to worse... At times, I often wake up with a pounding headache, with insufficient rest. I don't want to drink. I'm doing this to accompany friends. Again, my foolishness, and I'm paying for it. How do I put a stop to it? How do I stop a bully? Does this mean I'm calling a bully a friend? No, he just wants attention. Correction, he wants to be the centre of attention. I have to stop giving him that. I'm a person of my own.

There's been much changes in the Company. In short time, I will have to change my work habits. For the better, I'm hoping. How to lead the team to greater heights next year? How to mend the damages and build again? How to keep it from falling backwards?

Perhaps time has come for me to seek greener pastures. I doubt it'll be there in plain sight. It has always been fate, and opportunity. Next year, I want to go back to studies. Back to books and expand my horizons. I need to learn more, know more, see more.

Loneliness had crept back in... Good thing JD is still giving me his undivided love and attention. None more faithful than man's best friend.